The Adorable Revolution
by: Motke Dapp

The heir to an abandoned factory filled with fantastic failed enterprises such as The Pic-A-Park Blanket and The Unending Stick of Butter, takes his new girlfriend on a tour of the facility where they happen upon the cutest destructive force known to man.

Genre: Open

Location: An abandoned factory

Object: A stick of butter

 

The unusually cool afternoon air was filled with the aroma of freshly baked bread. Daphne’s eyes were masked with a blindfold. Her hands flailed in front of her, feeling for objects with which she may or may not collide. Xek guided her through the old cobblestone streets, a dinosaur-sized grin on his face. As far as third dates go, this one was easily in the top five.

“How much further? Are you taking me to a bakery? I have butter in my purse if we need it.” Daphne said.

“We’re almost there.” Daphne briefly heard the rustling of keys before being ushered forward. “Watch your step.” After a few steps, Xek removed the blindfold.

It took a second for Daphne’s eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room.

“Oh my gosh! I love it. Wait. Where are we?” she asked.

“The old Wibdib factory.”

“Oh! I’ve always wanted to see the inside of this place. How did we get in?”

“My uncle was J. W. Wibdib the Fourth. He had no children, so I inherited it when he passed away last autumn. I’ve been thinking about re-opening it.”

“What exactly did they make here?” Daphne asked.

“I’ll show you.”

Xek took her hand, and they walked through a bright red door. Before them was the largest room Daphne had ever seen. It looked more like an indoor amusement park than an abandoned factory. Colorful tubes, strangely fantastical boxes, and a million other shiny objects filled the colossal space. Xek launched into his best tour guide voice.

“The Wibdib factory was open for over twenty years, creating a vast assortment of amazing, yet failed product lines. My uncle was a genius but lacked the marketing skills to make any of his inventions work for public consumption.”

He led her down a curved staircase to a grandiose sign that read “Beer in a Box” written in a well-designed, Victorian-style font.

“This may have been his most commercially viable idea. He got the idea from boxed wine, but Beer in a Box failed mainly because people thought it wouldn’t hold the fizz. Surprisingly, it did. But no one really gave it a chance.”

Daphne slid her finger along a stack of boxes, each of them coated in year’s worth of dust. She spelled her name in the residue, a grin etched onto her pixie-like face.

“Here is where they made the park-detecting picnic blankets which were called Pic-A-Park Blankets. They change color when you get near a park. I have one. Very handy on those one or two days a year when you actually want to go on a picnic.”

“And they work?”

“Oh yeah. Everything he made worked. Here, have one.”

Daphne stuffed it in her bag, her large eyes wide with wonder. They moved on to the next area.

“Here are the ‘I Love Fish Sticks’ Coffee Mugs.” Xek pointed to the large sign. “They were actually scratch and sniff, but people didn’t seem to like the smell of fish sticks while they drank coffee. Go figure.”

Daphne giggled. They kept walking.

“And this is where they made the Robot Kittens.” Xek had stopped in front of a high tech area filled with darkened computers and hundreds, maybe thousands, of conveyer belts.

“Robot Kittens?”

“Sure. Everyone loves playful kittens, but they grow into boring cats. With the Robot Kitten, your cat will always be a kitten. I got one as a gift when I was young, and it was great. You never have to clean a litter box.”

“That sounds amazing.”

“There were a large number of Robot Kittens left. Not sure where they are, or I’d let you have one,” Xek said, looking around. He shrugged as they continued.

“The Unending Stick of Butter. One of my uncle’s best inventions.”

“Oh! I have one of those! I always wondered where they made these.” She pulled the yellow bar from her purse, waving it.

“You can grab a few more if you want. They sold pretty well, but then no one ever needed to buy another one, so ultimately, the product failed.”

Next, they meandered into a smaller room. Its walls were plastered in rainbows and stars.

“This,” he began, picking up a small box with a metal horn sticking out of the top, “is a Unicorn Finder. It ultimately failed because most people don’t believe in Unicorns. But they do exist. I’ve ridden one before.”

The room was filled with the bizarre looking objects, each of them emitting strange sounds, the horn part of each device alternating between seven different colors.

“Why are they doing that?” Daphne asked.

“I guess there’s a unicorn near,” Xek said.

“Oh really?” Daphne squealed. “Let’s find it!” She clapped her hands together, bouncing up and down excitedly.

Armed with the Unicorn Finder, they navigated through a series of halls, rooms and staircases until the device was pulsating and chirping at maximum capacity.

A grandiose room filled with various fruit trees, waterfalls, and acres of vegetation sprawled in front of them. Despite being underground, the sun appeared to be shining. A group of unicorns sat around a large, stone table in the middle of the immense landscape, sipping on tea, having a conversation with a group of Robot Kittens. Despite the chirping of the Unicorn Finder, the group didn’t notice Xek and Daphne, who listened in on their detailed plans of overthrowing the government using a blend of science and magic.

Daphne tugged at Xek’s shirt, and they hurried back upstairs.

“We’ve got to stop them,” Daphne said with urgency.

“We do? I’m not sure I even like the government.”

“Yeah, but we can’t have a bunch of unicorns and Robot Kittens running the country? What do they know about the matters of the common citizen?”

“What does the government know about the matters of the common citizen?”

Daphne pondered.

“Good point.” She reached into her bag and pulled out her Pic-A-Park Blanket. “Shall we have a picnic?”